Open Letters

For When You are Tired of Growing
July 9, 2017

I talk a lot on here about the need and desire for growth. And, yet, the words "I'm tired of growing" came out of my mouth last week during a teary conversation with my mother as we were talking about some things I am walking through currently. Those spoken words can make me feel like a failure -- that what I write on this site does not correlate to my own life. That maybe I'm not as brave or daring as I hoped.  That I don't believe in growth or like it as much as I thought.

But, post-teary-conversation and with a little more perspective, I realized this response is normal. Good, even. It allows for a choice of growth despite my actual desire for it at times. Sometimes, I want to quit this whole growth thing. Why? Because it hurts like hell. Because going through the hard stuff is far more difficult than ignoring, retreating or distracting from a situation. Because my so-damn-human desire is to long for comfort and ease. Yet "doing the work", as I often refer to it, is part of the long-haul that we are created to strive after even in seasons like these. 

All this to say - I'm choosing to grow. Trying to, at least. Even when I really don't want to. Even when I don't feel like it. Even when I doubt myself. (Which, all of these things, happen a lot and often.) These moments are making the head-knowledge transfer to my heart and hands these days. Reluctantly and painfully, at times. With intention and pursuit. And, ultimately, with my eyes on the Truth.

This work is hard, but this work is also so beautiful. I pray these words are just a reminder that I am here with you in the deep and difficult. I think you are brave and courageous for choosing to be a part of this type of life - a wholehearted life. Keep doing the hard work. For, a reward far greater than any comfort this world has to offer awaits.

1 comment:

by mlekoshi